Something’s Gotta Give
Dunkirk, NY - Much Ado About Nothing has come to a conclusion, and right at the moment I am sitting in my backyard writing this post with my new iPad. My wife surprised me with this as a present for having attained “distinguished” status, and this week I am getting a chance to play around with it and see how it works. It is surprisingly good in terms of typing on the keyboard, and of course there will be a learning curve, but on the whole it is an interesting device that will no doubt take the place of one of my netbooks. I am forced in WordPress to use the HTML editor, as the visual editor probably has Flash elements to it, but that is no real hardship at the moment. Posts written on this device may end up being without pictures of any sort, but again, no real hardship.
But apart from the iPad itself, just the experience of sitting in the backyard doing what I choose to do is my central point. These next few days will entail undergoing some post-show decompression, but there is not really any depression that I can feel attached to ending the show. My body has been geared towards getting in the car in the late afternoon and driving up to Buffalo, and that physical state takes time to leave the system. But there is no real sadness to it; in fact, I am quite glad not to have to do a show.
During the whole process of doing this last show I began to understand that my interest in continuing my career in Buffalo is waning fast. The disinterest is not from any active dislike of anybody or anything, but rather comes from noticing how uninterested I was in the backstage talk: who was casting what show next, how little politicking I did to find out if there were any auditions coming up, or any of the gossip about the upcoming season. Also, it has been just plain harder to get cast now that I am an Equity actor, so that adds another layer to the situation. I have to work harder to make myself the absolute right choice for one of the big theatres to cast me, and I really don’t have the time or the inclination to do so. More and more the signs seem to point to concentrating on running my department, leading it into new directions if possible, and pursuing the TACT work I want to do.
I’ve learned by this time that it’s silly to talk about “retiring” from acting. I don’t think that will ever truly happen. If the right opportunity comes about I am sure I would take it. I think what this is all about is coming to grips with the reality that what I am no longer interested in is actively pursuing opportunities. There is enough to keep me busy right in my own back yard, figuratively as well as literally (the small garden thrives!), so searching out acting opportunities seems to be more of an added burden than anything else at the moment.
And i suppose that’s how it should be. These days I seem to find that more information about retirement comes my way that anything else, and while I am not planning to retire from teaching just yet, perhaps the first step on that road is retiring from actively pursuing acting opportunities. There are many things I want to do that I haven’t done yet simply because I haven’t created the time to do so. By my count I have done summer theatre every summer since 1986 except for perhaps three summers. To get them done, something’s gotta give. An active professional career seems the easiest and most likely thing to surrender. It’s not like I’m making tons of money doing it, or have any hope of winning a Tony. So why not? -twl
