Such Stuff as Dreams Are Made On
Dunkirk NY – The past few days seem to be crammed with some very interesting experiences. For reasons that I cannot put my finger on, my students have been making unsolicited statements that have been leaving me at times speechless. There is always an intensity about late April, as so many things come rushing to a head as the academic year approached its conclusion. Perhaps it’s the pressure, perhaps it’s the lack of sleep, but it seems that this time of the year bring more personal discoveries to students than at any time.
I have had no less than half a dozen students stop into my office in the last week to talk. They talk about many things, but the common thread tends to be their attempts to try and discover what they are best at doing and where in the scheme of things do they fit. Often it’s the very beginnings of what I think many actors go through – finding the balance between the reality of the profession and the hope for their dreams. The first major questions are beginning to be asked, and it’s a tough moment for a lot of them.
I am no different. This evening I went to the Buffalo Niagara Film Festival for a screening of Drawing With Chalk, a movie made by two Fredonia alumni who graciously asked me to play a role in their movie. They bill it as a “mid life coming of age story” wherein two men in their 40s try to make one last-ditch effort at becoming rock musicians. One is married with a child and, as the story progresses, finds out another child is on the way just as he both loses his job and begins to try to make a new album. The other is single (I play this character’s father) with not much ambition who questions whether or not he’s too old to become a rock star. It’s a story of how dreams and reality mix it up to produce a life that you cannot predict or control – “sometimes your life is just drawn out for you.” And the metaphor of sidewalk chalk is important, because you can use that chalk to draw out your dreams on the sidewalk, only to have the washed away with the reality of the next rain.
After the screening was over and we were talking in the lobby, two show let out from two nearby theatres. Both shows had been final previews and had audiences of theatre people. As I was standing there, the lobby filled up with a bunch of people I have worked with in many theatres in Buffalo, and next thing I new I was saying hello to a whole collection of Buffalo actors. I instantaneously felt in my element, talking with actors, talking with people doing theatre in the city, talking with friends. There was even a crossover, as some of the theatre people were also Fredonia alumni, and I realized there were five of my former students in the room as well as theatre and professional colleagues.
On the drive back to Dunkirk I began to feel that old tug – the need to get to Buffalo and audition and get into a show. I will be in Shakespeare in Delaware Park this summer, but that urge to get back in the game like I was 10 years ago when I was doing two or three shows a year in the city just became overwhelming. But my reality is that I will become the next chair of my department, and that commitment precludes having the freedom to run up to Buffalo and perform. I still am facing that same dilemma that my student face – finding the balance between dealing with the realities of my life and trying to fulfill the dreams that yet remain.
Shakespeare speaks of the insubstantial quality of dreams in that famous speech of Prospero’s from The Tempest. If you’re in the theatre, perhaps you’re simply more susceptible to the allure of these dreams. Certainly I think that is true of myself. What is the right mixture of dream to reality? Perhaps that is only something best answered by each person in the silence of their soul. -twl
