All's Well That Ends
Dunkirk, NY – Last night was the closing night for All’s Well in Delaware Park. Today I am recovering, just lounging around the house and reveling in my new-found freedom. A good nap from 2:30-5:00 PM took some time to recover from, so at the moment I feel somewhat refreshed, but still a bit tired. I’m pretty glad the whole thing is over. My wife asked me if I enjoyed playing the role; my response was along the lines of being too tired to really enjoy it.
But I think it goes deeper than that. It isn’t a question of whether or not I find a particular role enjoyable; it’s whether I continue to find theatre enjoyable. The now-retired scene designer at Fredonia used to say he would retire when it wasn’t fun anymore, and now he is living quite a nice theatre-free existence in central Vermont, making some money painting beautiful watercolors. Right at the moment, I don’t find my own theatre experiences enjoyable. Sorting out my feelings on this may take some time, as I have a number of reasons which pertain as much to the current state of theatre as they do to my own personal situation. For now, given the year ahead, it’s safe to say that I will be in semi-retirement as least as far as my own personal career goes. This coming academic year I have two shows to direct, one each semester, and a third directing gig in May of 2008 at the West Virginia Symphony, so I don’t have any open slots for shows in Buffalo. I hope to use this opportunity to explore other options in my life besides theatre.
It’s an age thing, too, and I won’t deny that. At 55, it is not a question of being too old. I can still do the job, all right, even if it does take me a bit longer to memorize lines. On the stage I can still project a lot of energy. sometimes more than young actors half my age. So the question is not, can I still do it? The question, rather, is: is there anything else I’d rather do with my life with the time I have left?
There was a TV show recently which bombed called Twenty Good Years. The premise of the show revolved around two men (John Lithgow being one of them) in their mid-50s coming to the realization that they had about 20 good years left until they turned 75, and they were not going to waste them. Of course, the situations they got in revolved around zany choices, but the premise, I think, has something to say for it. The older you get, the less years you have to really physically do the things you might want to do. So thus the question: do I want to spend those 20 years continuing to pursue theatre?
I think not; there is very little left to accomplish, and the things there are out there to still try and accomplish (such as being on Broadway) are probably out of my reach at this point. While theatre will remain part of my job at Fredonia, I think it’s probably pointless to continue to pursue acting jobs on the outside. That will free up a lot of time for me, and the time is what I want now. What I will do with it I am not yet sure, but I know that gaining that time back will be beneficial. In 14 days I will also be leaving my interim dean position, again gaining time. In many ways, time is now the commodity that is most precious to me.
So call me semi-retired. Will I ever take another acting job? Perhaps, but the role has to be right. I would do King Lear, for example, if I could get the role, and probably Willy Loman. I would also consider directing; three weeks and gone, with a lot less physical labor. But the next notch on the belt or role on the resume? Not likely. It’s time to be “heard no more.” -twl
PS – Here are pictures from the production taken by Larry Rowswell, the festival’s unofficial photographer.
